Journal: Decentering Work & Rediscovering Self-Worth
“…In the past month within writing this, I got laid off from my job without any warning.
It happens, it happens to people. Most of me just wants to move on, realize that things like this happen to everyone, everywhere, and to continue to push forward and look for the next opportunity. And I have. I’ve been able to work on my resume and update my portfolio and my profiles on the professional networking sites. But there is a part of me that is still really bothered.
I know that I was a good worker, a fast learner, and technically capable at all of the physical aspects of that job. I put in a LOT of effort into being present and showing up and commuted a LONG way to work each day. I went out of my way to get to know my colleagues and managers and worked well with all of my teams. I went above and beyond to make clients happy and to keep projects moving forward. I came in early, I stayed late, I went to all of the extracurricular networking events to impress my managers. But in the end, it was situations beyond my control that totally changed my lifestyle.
I am not someone who gets bothered… adjusting and pivoting has always been my strength. Being adaptable and taking challenges head on has been something that I’ve excelled at. But, if I’m completely honest, a setback like this really took a toll on my self-worth.
Sitting un-busy for a whole month allowed me to fully grasp that this is my honest understanding of where I am right now. My self-worth was very low, and I felt like I was no longer valuable.
What I learned is that I was putting a lot of weight into what being a good worker or good designer meant to other people, even at the expense of my family or personal relationships. I also felt really good when I could be helpful or useful, and felt bad when it seemed like there was nothing for me to do. And I also learned that I have a lot of people-pleasing and perfectionist habits that really weren’t serving me or my mental health well.
Stepping Inside is a reader-supported publication on the Substack platform that explores the concept of allowing progress and growth while breaking down perfectionism cycles. It’s also a chance to connect with you, as a reader, and to allow myself to be a bit more vulnerable in those connections. I’m taking my life more intentionally while investing the time I have to give myself grace and achieve my goals with more ease and self-love.
